


I Was A Coward That Day

by SoapDiSpencer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, M/M, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26644012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoapDiSpencer/pseuds/SoapDiSpencer
Summary: Life was full of ups and downs, but watching someone live out your dream life... that was the worst feeling Oikawa had ever experienced.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 78





	I Was A Coward That Day

There was something about the way that Iwaizumi laughed when Kageyama was saying something to him, his face flat showing he definitely wasn't telling a joke. Oikawa remembered the way that Iwaizumi and him used to laugh as they both made fun of eachother with soft eyes and Oikawa's heart stuttering in his chest. It was never a question of Oikawa loving Iwaizumi. It was a question of Iwaizumi loving him back. 

Oikawa ran away from Japan to escape the ache that Iwaizumi left in his soul. He belonged in Argentina. He belonged where the sun was warm and he could follow his dreams. Iwaizumi apparently belonged here pressing soft kisses into Kageyama's cheek before sending the man back on the court. 

Oikawa remembered both of them planning their life together when they were kids. Iwaizumi would always be the sport's trainer and Oikawa was playing for the Japan team. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. He didn't even know what happened. There was no monumental time that he could lay the blame of losing Iwaizumi. 

They had just faded. Iwaizumi had never loved Oikawa the way Oikawa loved him. He loved him. He loved him so perfectly, but Oikawa was selfish. He wanted Iwaizumi to be in love with him. Oikawa was now standing across the court from him watching all their plans play out except it was a different setter getting everything he had ever wanted. 

He couldn't even blame Kageyama. He had left by the time they had started talking again. It wasn't like Iwaizumi hadn't been unavailable to Oikawa before Kageyama. Iwaizumi was never going to be his. He looked happy, and gods did that ache something awful. Iwaizumi looked so fucking happy tending to the Japan team living their dreams. It cut something vital in Oikawa's heart. 

Oikawa was being forced to cut Iwaizumi out of his heart to try and stop the spread. Iwaizumi was consuming him. He was spreading and there was never anything that Oikawa could do. He just had to play his hardest because Iwaizumi was only a distant memory now. The man who he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with was a stranger now. They hadn't talked properly in years. They hadn't talked at all in months. 

He just had to face it. He had lost. He was never going to get his dream because Iwaizumi had been in all of them. He had to start to build new dreams that didn't revolve around watching the way that Iwaizumi tilted his head when he was annoyed with him. He couldn't linger on the way that Iwaizumi seemed to know his heart better than he knew it himself. He could no longer reach out for the man who had once been the very reason for Oikawa to be better. He had to let go. 

And fuck did that feel like getting punched in the gut. So when the game was over and he cried he blamed it on the high of the game. When he felt like he couldn't breath he plastered on a smile and hugged his team letting them ruffle his hair and praise his skills like they always did no matter the outcome of the game. He belonged here. It felt like he was cutting open his chest to try and save himself from drowning. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. 

"Oikawa! Good game!" Kageyama and Hinata both said happily and Oikawa felt like it was the last slice through him. Kageyama was still so oblivious and earnest despite everything he had done wrong to the kid. Oikawa guessed it was cosmic justice. He had singled him out as a rival and then lost everything to him, and still he reached out to be kind. 

Oikawa felt like a piece of him died that day, but it almost felt cathartic. He didn't need to come back to Japan. He didn't need to come back to the empty shell of memories. He could stay an ocean away still running from the man he would always love. He plastered on another beaming smile that felt like ice in his bones. He ruffled Hinata's hair and teased Kageyama playfully. If he ignored Iwaizumi when he spoke then he was a coward. If he didn't plaster on a fake smile and pretend that seeing Iwaizumi was the best thing and not the cause of every ache in his body he was a coward. If he didn't be the friend that Iwaizumi deserved he was a coward…

He was a coward that day.


End file.
